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Q: Is it normal for your husband to want a threesome with another woman? We’ve been married for three years and everything has been great. Should I be worried? Is this normal and a good thing or is he getting bored with me? He says it won’t get him turned on unless I was involved. Can anything good this? – SB

Dr. Schwartz: Yeah, for him but not for the marriage. And it doesn’t sound like it will be good for you, either. I think having two women in bed is maybe the most common male sexual fantasy there is but like a lot of fantasies, men don’t puzzle through the consequences.  Men are titillated by “girl-and-girl” activity and, also more easily understandable, the idea of two women touching him and having an erotic session with each—he being the center of attention of course.

Even though this fantasy is normal, and people have had threesomes and enjoyed them very much (women and men alike), sometimes these adventures go awry and  could tilt the relationship in a very unfortunate direction. The women can be more interested in each other than him, the wife can get jealous the other woman and insulted, the man can get jealous or either of them could get grossed out, even though they thought it was going to be a big erotic romp. And that’s just some of the possibilities.

My conclusion is that whether this is a suggestion after three years or 30 years, it has too many pitfalls and possible serious consequences compared to the rewards. I might feel slightly differently if you said you were just as curious to try this as he was, but you aren’t and that is important. If he gets even more insistent about this I suggest couples counseling.

Dr. Schwartz answers readers questions every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Submit your questions hereRead of Pepper’s columns hereFollow Pepper on Twitter @pepperschwartz.

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