I’m Just Not Interested

Q: I just read your article about having a celibate marriage, and my marriage has turned into that. Although it’s not due to any type of punishment – it’s just that I have lost all interest in sex. I love my spouse; he loves me. There are no problems, no stresses. We get along great, but I just can’t find the interest. My doctor said it was probably stress but I am retired and don’t have any. I’ve talked to …

Men Don’t Only Want Sex. They Want Friendship, Too

Q: I have been divorced for almost three years and am having difficulty meeting men. Most of the guys I encounter just want sex. I want more: respect, friendship, kindness, mutual enjoyment. Any suggestions? After 29 1/2 years of an abusive marriage, I would like to think there are some nice men out there. Dr. Pepper Schwartz: There are definitely some nice men out there. Of course, your life has been colored by an abusive marriage and you have to …

“She Wants to Know Details of My Infidelity”

Q: Last year, I confessed to my wife of 35 years that I’d had affairs with several women approximately 20 years ago. She’s in the process of forgiving me. We have agreed to move forward and have both seen counselors, separately. However, I feel she’s not really moving forward, due to the questions she has about my affairs. She wants me to share my story of infidelity with her: How was I able to do it? How could I do …

Ginny Johnson Not Given Enough Credit for Sex Study Contributions

Ginny Johnson’s death brings back a lot of memories. I remember, as a new Ph.D. and young professor, sitting around many living rooms with her and her even more famous husband, Bill Masters, talking about sex research, about women in the field, and about differences in opinions between the behavioral scientists (my group) and  the medical people (Bill’s and, to some extent, Ginny’s group). Ginny was Bill Masters’ partner in sex research. Starting out as a secretary in his office, she transitioned to the …

A Renewed Sense of Self After Cancer

Q: My wife lost a breast to cancer. Chemotherapy took six months, during which she basically lay on the couch and had no energy. It’s now 16 months after chemo and she’s still on the couch. I can’t get her to get up and do much of anything, including sex. We have no money to do any traveling since Social Security is all we get. Any ideas? Dr. Pepper Schwartz: She sounds as if she might be depressed. It is …

Is Your Marriage Stronger If It Started Online?

You have a slightly better chance of staying together if you meet online: That’s the finding of a recent collaboration between a dating website and a respected University of Chicago psychologist, and to me it’s Big News. Why? Because it’s a promising first span across online dating’s credibility gap. Or should I say credibility canyon? Plenty of people meet online – in fact, the study suggests one in three married couples now meet online – but until now they’ve tended …