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Dating Again: The Re-Entry Checklist

Dr. Pepper Schwartz

Dr. Pepper Schwartz

I had the pleasure of talking to AARP members about being single and dating after 50 at their annual member event Life@50+ in New Orleans. Here are some of the key points from our discussion:

More tips:

Highlights of audience Q & A:

Q: I was dumped via text. I find guys want to text and talk sex before getting to know me. What’s the deal?

A: You have the wrong guys. Don’t wait for guys to look at your profile. Go find the guys you like. Reach out to them and just say, hey, I liked this about you.

Q: I just recently met someone that I view as a friend. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. What do you feel about brutal honesty?

A: Don’t trap yourself in relationships you don’t want. Be nice but be honest. Say something like “Thank you for the time, I thought this might be something, but for me it isn’t. I’d like to be friends if you want to.”

Q: How do you do due diligence so you don’t get creepers?

A: Get details from their bio and ask more questions. Google them. It’s pretty easy to track. Meet for the first time in a lighted place with people around. Take it slow at the start.

Q: I’m dating multiple people on one of the big dating sites. Should I tell them?

A: On a first date, no. But be honest if they ask. It’s OK to say, “I’m dating other people, but I’m enjoying getting to know you. I’d like to give it a little time before we decide.”

Q: I have a friend with breast cancer and body changes, and she has scars. If you date and start to get intimate, how should she handle that?

A: That’s a great test of what love is. If someone really loves you, they want you, not your left breast. You have to be brave. I wouldn’t lead with “Hi, I had breast cancer and have scars.” That doesn’t define you. Let them get to know you first.