In My Dreams, My Wife Is the Only One Sleeping — Around!

Q: About 18 months ago I was put on AndroGel for low testosterone. It has worked well — my energy level is up, and so is my libido — but there’s a problem: I keep dreaming my wife is having sex with other men.

The sex is quite graphic. It causes me to wake up about 2 a.m. with a very good erection, and leaves me unable to get back to sleep. The dreams stay on my mind throughout the day. Then, when my wife and I have sex, it’s usually fantastic. (We’ve been married 45 years and are both active and in pretty good shape.)

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When I spoke to my doctor about these dreams, his only concern was whether they contain any violence — they do not. In that case, he said, enjoy them like fantasies.

The problem is, I’m not getting any sleep. Have you ever heard of this before?

A: As a matter of fact, I have heard about this fantasy before — a lot. For some reason, watching one’s wife being made love to by another man (or men) is a relatively common fantasy — and a highly arousing one at that.

If it fires up your relationship and is not something you’re trying to actualize (as some husbands do), I’d agree with your doctor and say just enjoy the dreams. But I’d take his advice one step further: As long as you’re up, why not turn to your partner and — if she doesn’t mind being woken in the middle of the night — use your heat to ignite her feelings and have sex on the spot? That will help you get back to sleep and also make her feel complimented by your attraction to her.

And this is, ultimately, an attraction to your wife. The dreams center on her. She’s the one you’re in love with; she’s the one you want to make love to. Your erotic imaginings may feature another man finding your wife irresistible, but you can use those dreams to have hotter sex together in the here and now.

P.S. You might also try making love right before you go to sleep. That should reduce the likelihood of sexual dreams — and help the two of you finally get some shut-eye!

Q: “Being diabetic, there is no way to have an erection.” Is this true? What can be done? What is the influence of age?

A: I am not a physician, so I urge you to see a doctor who specializes in sexual medicine. However, I would not assume that there is absolutely no way you can have an erection.

Granted, both diabetes and diabetes medications are often reasons for impotence. But you can try various remedies. One method that does not depend on your own erectile capacity is to have a pump surgically implanted in the penis — an erection can then be achieved by manually pumping the penis up. This may seem strange at first, and it’s not ideal, but it still allows you to please your partner and have an orgasm (though it will not include ejaculation).

But don’t take my word for it. See a sexual-medicine specialist to find out about this and any other options available to you.

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