couples counseling

Q: The woman I married two years ago doesn't really know how to make love to me. I am 68, and my wife is 57. I still have the drive to have sex, but she is not used to initiating the first move. She doesn't like to kiss and isn't romantic at all. When I listen to soft music to try and get things started, she asks me why I play sad music. I have been patient with her as she tells me to try and work with her. But this is a very slow process. I need to know what I can do to help our sex life. 
love triangle
Q: I recently ran into an old lover who is now a widower. I was once very much in love with this man and after seeing him again, I find that I am still strongly attracted to him. I am married, my spouse is impotent and I am a very sexual person who needs touching and affection to feel wanted and loved. My spouse won't even hold my hand when I beg! I am torn.
PEPPER threes company
Q: Is it normal for your husband to want a threesome with another woman? We've been married for three years and everything has been great. Should I be worried? Is this normal and a good thing or is he getting bored with me? He says it won't get him turned on unless I was involved. Can anything good this? - SB
Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Q: My wife and I have been married for 36 years. My wife uses sex to punish me if I do something in which she doesn't approve. Sex has never seemed important in our relationship and she acts like she could gladly live without it. We had sex last on Feb. 20, 2001. Sex has always been very important to me. HELP! -- JS
Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Q: I'm on my second marriage. My husband, 61, has never been married and has never had sex before. We've been married for nine years and I'm beyond frustrated. He has a lot of strange habits that I don't understand, such as spending hours in the bathroom and only taking showers once a week. When we attend family gatherings he wears earplugs because, he says, he hates the noise. He looks ridiculous and won't talk to anyone. He won't go to counseling. Please help! -- EB, Connecticut
It's not exactly happily-ever-after for the boomers entering empty-nesterhood in their 50s and beyond.
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