Body language is often a dead giveaway of lying, but so is language. In Never Be Lied to Again, author David J. Lieberman makes the case that liars use certain words, phrases and syntax. These prevaricators spit out responses quickly like a parrot thinking it conceals what they’re doing, and they repeat your own words when answering your question. For example, ask your boyfriend, “Did you ever cheat on me?” and he might respond, “No, I never cheated on you.” Ever becomes never.
Q: In a recent column you said that in most long-term marriages that fail, men are generally the ones who cheat on their wives. I’d like to know where you got that information. The statistics I’ve read in the past few years show a higher incidence of infidelity from women than men.
We barely began the new year before celebrity divorces began making headlines. Last week the 1970s pop duo Captain & Tennille ("Love Will Keep Us Together") announced the end of their 39-year marriage. That came a week after former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda Wall Spitzer, filed for divorce. No surprise there.
Q: Last year, I confessed to my wife of 35 years that I'd had affairs with several women approximately 20 years ago. She's in the process of forgiving me. We have agreed to move forward and have both seen counselors, separately. However, I feel she's not really moving forward, due to the questions she has about my affairs. She wants me to share my story of infidelity with her: How was I able to do it? How could I do this? I don't think it's in her best interest to know more than I've already shared. I'm trying to help her recover from the heartache I caused, but is it wise for me to keep the details of my indiscretions to myself?
According to Dr. Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist, there is an ancient human tendency to partner and re-partner, which she calls the "four year itch." A long time ago, it was assumed that if a child lived to see age four, he or she would survive. The biological parents were then free to move on to new sexual adventures, and the child would be passed on to the group, at which time the "it takes a village" mentality would kick in.
Q: My wife and I met as freshmen in college and have been married 59 years. Family emergencies, health issues, my obesity and low physical arousal response had rendered our sex life almost nonexistent, but I viewed us as committed.
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