AARP Eye Center
Q: What should I do when my husband looks and stares at other women? Should I leave him, confront him or just not say anything? It makes me angry and uncomfortable, not to mention makes me feel like I'm not what he wants anymore. What do I do? - TR
Dr. Schwartz: Well, first talk to him, not right when it happens, but when you are both in a good mood, relaxed and ready to have an intimate conversation. Tell him the truth about how his wandering eye makes you feel. Ask him why he does it and how would he expect you to feel? Does he think you don't notice? Does he think it doesn't make you feel slightly to greatly diminished?
He might say that he thinks it's harmless, that men are visual creatures and that he admires and desires you but he loves to look at a good looking women. Many men feel exactly that way - and for most of them it's true. Men just love looking at women and it has nothing to do with how they feel about their wife. In fact, they might think the woman they're Wlooking at is inferior in every way to their wife - but still they want to give her the once over.
You might try a deal. If he can reassure you of his love and desire, believe him. But also let him know that it still bothers you to have his head swiveling all the time. See if he can make a deal, not to do this in your presence - or not without your permission - or perhaps just to say why someone caught his eye. The truth is even we women will look at beautiful people (male or female) sometimes just because they are stylish or exceptionally good looking and not mean anything by it.
So, the bottom line: Maybe you can reassured so that you can understand his gazing elsewhere and he can compromise and not do it very often, and reassure you that it means nothing about how he feels about you. In fact, maybe one remedy would be to ask him to tell you how sexy and lovely you are to him more often - and then his looking elsewhere wouldn't have the same sting.
Dr. Schwartz answers readers questions every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Submit your questions here. Read of Pepper's columns here. Follow Pepper on Twitter @pepperschwartz.
Image via creativecommons.org.