Sh*t Boomer Travelers Say

As a rule, we're not folks given to foul language.  So, I struggled a bit as I considered the title for this article.

In fact, growing up in the midwest, the use of this word was certain to find a bar of Dial soap scraped on my teeth as my dear mother was always quick to wash my mouth out with soap with its use.

However, while certain profane words were absolutely forbidden, the adults in my world seemed to find words like sh*t, damn, and hell a softer, gentler form of profanity and their use was fairly wide spread when emphatic expression was found necessary.

Although, if there were small children around, we might hear the word hell softened with H-E-Double Toothpicks, or perhaps the word sh*t softened without the vowel.  SHHT!

I'll never forget my very prim and proper grandmother telling us about a candy bar named Damfino.  According to my grandmother, when asked as a child what kind of candy bar she would like, she would respond, "Damfino!"  I never did learn if that was true or not.  But she seemed to revel in the telling of the story.

There's a few Internet memes and funny YouTube videos about "sh*t people say" in certain situations. So, what about traveling? We came up with our own list - with the help of AARP's Facebook commenters. Without further ado...

• Is there a rest area coming up?  I have to pee!
• Husband to his wife: "wanna try that sexting thing that people talk about?"
• Husband to his wife: "we're not lost, we're just on an adventure!"
• Wife to her husband: "will you please just pull over and ask for directions!"
• Husband to his wife: "I've got the Viagra, now where's that Barry White CD?"
• Crap!  We're out of Metamucil.  Quick, find a drugstore!
• How do I get off this damnable roundabout?
• Let's find a restaurant where we can use our AARP discount.
• Wife to titillated husband: "Put that thing away, the grandchildren might hear us!"
• Truckers eat here.  It must be good!
• Oh look, a yard sale sign!
• Let's look at the map to make certain that the GPS is accurate.
• Let's try to make the whole trip without stopping.
• Wife to husband: "Are you sure you know where you're going?"
• Wife to husband: "For heaven's sake.  That stinks.  Roll down the window!
• What was I saying?
• Husband to wife with "low fuel" warning lamp on: "I think we can make it".
• Wife to husband when they run out of gas:  "Proud of yourself?"
• Quit drinking all that water, you're just gonna have to pee!
• Wife to husband in plane:  "Did you fart?"
•  Hotel bathroom.  Wife to husband, "Sheez! Did you die in there?"
• Quick!  Find a bathroom.  I've got the green-apple-two-step!
• Husband to wife after policeman pulls them over: "Let me do the talking!"
• Wife to husband while body surfing: "Honey, pull your swim suit up.  It's down around your knees!"
•  Terrified husband about to go through airport security:  "OH NO!  My Viagra just kicked in!"

Mom, please forgive me.  I promise to go immediately gargle with the liquid soap in our bathroom.

Do you have any funny things that you say while traveling? Share them with us in the comments section below.

David and Carol Porter are contributors on the AARP blog, blog regularly at theroamingboomers.com and keep us updated on their travels via their Facebook and Twitter accounts.