Dr. Pepper Schwartz

As AARP's sex and relationship expert, Pepper Schwartz aims to improve the lives of the age-50-plus audience by enhancing their relationships and offering counsel on everything from sex and health issues to communication and dating.
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Q: In some marriages, the male and female roles are reversed. Is this normal, or is this a problem? I would like to read something on this; do you know of a website?
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Q: I am a 50-year-old male. I shave my legs for various reasons, and my wife is OK with it. (She’s even told me how sexy it is in bed.) I also wear thong-style and men’s nylon underwear. Now I’d like to start wearing satin women’s underwear. How should I bring this up to my wife? It seems she’s already somewhat supportive.
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Q: Is there such a thing as having a girl-girl relationship with just cuddling and kissing and no oral sex or titillation tactics?
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Q: You omitted an entire group of people in your article for AARP The Magazine on “Sex After 50.” There are those of us who are wa-a-ay over 50 and still enjoy sex, even though it’s solo.
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Q: My husband of 30 years suddenly insisted on introducing pornography into our marriage. (He also wanted us to be “swingers.” I said no.) I tried instructional sex videos, but stopped when they turned into mere porn.
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Q: We have been happily married for 58 years. We are Christians and active in our church. We both have college degrees. Over the years we have enjoyed our intimacy, but not nearly as often as years ago. My husband has sugar diabetes and is impotent. We miss not being able to have intercourse. Oral sex is not appealing. I know there are prescriptions available, but I don’t want something to harm his health. I'd appreciate any new thoughts.
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Q: About 18 months ago I was put on AndroGel for low testosterone. It has worked well — my energy level is up, and so is my libido — but there’s a problem: I keep dreaming my wife is having sex with other men.
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Q: In a recent column you said that in most long-term marriages that fail, men are generally the ones who cheat on their wives. I’d like to know where you got that information. The statistics I’ve read in the past few years show a higher incidence of infidelity from women than men.
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Well, finally — the cultural conversation about gender and sexual identity has shifted, and all it took was some folks in their 60s and 70s to lead the way.
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Q: I have a genetic condition that makes my bones and joints stiff and painful, giving me absolutely NO interest in sex. In fact I couldn’t care less if the next man who touches me is the coroner!
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